Valley of the Dolls

“Gabrielle, the wine almost got in my shoes.” Probably scandalous in its day, this soapy melodrama based on Jacqueline Susann’s bestseller gives us the scoop on the downside of fame. Addiction, abortion, suicide, breast cancer, insanity, catfights, diva tantrums, big hair — it’s all here. A law clerk turned hairspray model (Barbara Parkins), a model turned nudie star (ill-fated Sharon Tate), and a struggling singer turned pill-popping diva (Patty Duke) get to go through many over-the-top moments (Duke has a mesmerizingly stupid breakdown scene in a back alley). They all contend with the “dolls” (uppers and downers) and discover that life in the limelight isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. I can’t remotely claim this is a good movie, but I sure did enjoy terrible moments like the duet in a sanitarium and Patty Duke attempting to flush Susan Hayward’s wig down a toilet. Look quick for appearances by Susann herself (as a reporter) and Richard Dreyfuss (as a stagehand). Someone really needs to remake this with Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera. “I want my dolls!! You gotta give me just one doll!!”