Oscar Night 2011

oscars2011

Random Thoughts on the Oscars After De-Linting the Bedsheets

 

Rob’s pick as Best Picture of the year: Enter the Void

Number of Oscars Enter the Void was nominated for: 0

Level of rooting interest Rob had in the Oscars race this year: Maybe 15%

Number of years Rob has been a fan of Melissa Leo: 18

Best illustration of the contrast between American and British acceptance-speech styles: Melissa Leo and Colin Firth

Best acceptance speech given by a British actor trying desperately to sound workin’-class, mate: Christian Bale

How many bowls James Franco likely smoked during the show: Three. Maybe four.

How many bowls whoever came up with the Franco-as-Marilyn gag must’ve smoked: Four. Maybe five.

Percent of viewers half-expecting to see Kirk Douglas turn to dust right there on the stage: 93%

Percent of viewers who grumbled something cynical about Natalie Portman getting knocked up just in time to waddle onstage all cute and pregnant, thus giving the Academy an irresistible reason to vote for her: 95%

Number of stunning directorial touches in The King’s Speech: 0

Level of irony in the producers’ wanting to put on a younger, hipper Oscar show, then hauling on Billy Crystal to pay tribute to Bob Hope: Off the scale

Awkwardness of these “personalized” Best Actor/Actress intros by the presenters, given that Jeff Bridges probably wouldn’t know Jennifer Lawrence if he tripped over her: Fairly high

Probable state of Jeff Bridges during the show: Fairly high

When Randy Newman apparently turned into Michael Moore’s twin (visually, not politically): Sometime recently, I guess

Extent to which the ceremonies endangered Anne Hathaway’s adorableness quotient: None

Extent to which the opening montage was saved by Alec Baldwin: 95%

Number of female directors to win tonight: 3

Number of lesbians to win tonight: At least one (sound mixer Lora Hirschberg)

Number of gay men to win tonight: At least one (one of the King’s Speechproducers, I dunno which)

Number of African-Americans to win tonight: 0

Amount of time it probably took dickeklund.com to go down for a while after Christian Bale ensured millions of unique hits to its unprepared server: 2.4 seconds

Number of Oscars Trent Reznor has: 1

Number of Oscars Roger Deakins has: 0

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